Done denying

My Journey to Dissertation has been meandering down so many paths these last several weeks, I’m not sure I can summarize it well enough here to offer a clear update. At a time when I should be focused only on my Herculean task at hand (writing my dissertation), I am drawn toward a number of other activities and interests that seem to need my immediate and urgent attention.

This is a challenge I have wrestled with for much of my adult life: Striking a balance between “work” (or “work-like,” “work-related” activities), and Everything Else. Who doesn’t have that kind of juggling act going on these days?

When you choose to spend your time on a particular activity, something else has to move to a back burner. It’s about choices. For me, the pressure has come from feeling that Everything Else that I may wish to be doing has to take a back seat to the Great Writing that is in work. That is, my dissertation.

So things like going to the movies with a friend, getting out and digging in the dirt to get my vegetable garden planted, or even taking a walk with my husband (or the dog) usually have to take a rain check.

That’s right, I said “usually.”

Until now. I am bucking the system. Instead of banishing all “fun” activities from my schedule, I have begun to embrace them. That new yoga class I dropped in on a couple weeks ago that I enjoyed so much? Yes, I am signing up to take the upcoming series.

My morning workout that demands at least an hour of my precious time before I head to work? I’m getting it in, simply by giving myself permission to get to work by 8:30 (which is what most people seem to do) instead of pressuring myself to get up even earlier so I can get to work by 8.

Look out. That “sometime” hobby of mine (photography) is primed for some outside help. I’m hunting around for a future class to enhance my skills.

All the “denial” of doing the things that I have been putting aside “for now” has only made me realize that I resent not having the full life experience that each one of us is here to have. I’ve taken the pressure off. I will finish my degree, and I am still targeting completion for later this year. I am getting it done.

The down time in between chapter writing is fueling my energy, making me happy, and somehow helping me to approach my research paper with a focused mind.

I’m done denying myself the full life experience I choose to have. It all has a place in my life. We all deserve to live each day exactly the way we choose. I say, go for it, people. If it's what you truly need at this moment in time, whatever it is that you choose, it will be the right thing.

Copyright 2012 By Marianne V. Heffernan