Block and tackle

Another week of “Where am I?” on the Journey to Dissertation Land. Just when I think I have a handle on it, the GPS of my scholarly exploration loses its signal. Did I miss a turn? Am I even on the right road?

I took another shot at soliciting comments from my Committee last week in an attempt to ramrod my way onto the calendar before Thanksgiving to formally present my topic and get the official “Permission granted” to continue.

“Took another shot.”

Need I say more?

Here’s how it went. I, Little Miss “I Can Do This PhD Thing,” revised my proposal yet again, incorporating what I thought were the suggestions of the three professors who are guiding my path in this pursuit. 

Those suggestions would be things like, “It needs to be more scholarly,” “Rearrange,” and “Perhaps add a whole chapter on the history of grief and maybe even on the history of privacy.”

Oh dear Lord. Add, subtract, divide, conquer. Read, read, read more and read it again. 

YES-YES-YES-YES. Thank you, sir, may I have another? Makes sense, yes. Am I ready to present my topic? Apparently not. I hate this.

One must not take it personally when those who hold the coveted Ph.D. rank push you on your back side so you can get a better view of where you need to go. It isn’t personal, but it sure can be frustrating.

However, it is as it should be. I know this, so I am back at it, trying to clear my path and think through these obstacles to get on with the progress that writing will bring. I will say this: as an academic, I am challenged. I do not profess to be professorial. I do not suggest that I am a genius-like social scientist at this stage of my dissertation journey.  

I have made it this far and I know I can do this. I am just having a little trouble getting out of the gate. I find so many facets of this grief study interesting, and each offshoot leads to other ideas. The tangents make this work unwieldy, and I need to keep pulling myself back, inward, to figure out what the most important questions are, and to only focus on those questions. Keep it manageable, keep it narrowly focused. Above all, GET IT DONE.

This is a huge challenge for anyone writing a dissertation, and for me, a nearly impossible one. I have always been one to chase down the ideas that interest me, which ultimately was what shaped my career as a journalist. One story or source would turn me on to another, and I would dig into it and follow it through to find an abundance of related “stories” or ideas that would lead to other stories. The curse of a creative mind and the burden of being a writer, I suspect. There is never a shortage of stories to write.

So for now, I am back to the drawing board, not starting from scratch but worse, taking another (not so objective) look at what I have done so far in mapping out my topic. The working title has not changed. I am still seeking to prove out: “The Evolution of the Grief Memoir; How Communication Technologies are Changing the Way We Share and Experience Grief.”

I think this is what I want and need to know, but the building blocks are still scattered about the place. I need to rearrange them and make sure they are indeed the right blocks to piece together. There are so many blocks!